« Be brave enough to be bad at something new
By: Jon Acuff
This is linked to the famous “comfort zone”, like a spinoff I guess, and my first thoughts were: what are its advantages and disadvantages.
The comfort zone is seen usually seen as something bad. I honestly don’t think that living in your comfort zone is something to be ashamed of, some people actually don’t have a choice but to do so, and by qualifying it as “bad” we make those people feel bad about themselves and their capacities, they feel less worthy of anything because, well….everything worth something, is out of the comfort zone…right? For some, the comfort zone is the only thing that keeps them alive…
And now I’m thinking: the comfort zone is ONLY a zone…maybe we can have it as a “retreat” zone, define it as such, as a “safe” space rather than a “comfort” one. Also, comfort seems to equal to “settling”…and maybe it’s not always the case.
This quote made me think of the fear that I personally have when trying something new. But in my case it’s linked to my childhood and to the humiliation I experienced at school when laughed at…no matter the reason. I still get triggered when I’m laughed at, even if it’s a minor issue. Being bad at something new may be totally ok with a lot of people, but for those more sensitive and with a history of continuous self-doubting, is very difficult to take on. So it is brave for them to do so. And even for everyone else, being bad at something, let’s face it: no one likes it. The ego is there and it’s a rude companion in life (but then again, that’s another subject). Keeping the ego in place is difficult, so opening ourselves to situations in which we know we we’ll be judged, laughed at maybe, despised even (depending on the situation), it’s a complicated thing… And finally, I guess a lot of us don’t do that new thing, no matter what it is, because the benefits (which are never guaranteed), don’t overcome the very probable damages.
Then enters the “brave” part. Being bad at something new is brave and that’s what the underlying message of this quote, is: bravery is not necessarily a notion that defines a hero..
Being bad at something new, means overcoming a lot of fears, means being able to change your mindset, to keep you head high and to take distance from any possible judgment, not associate it with what you really are..because in the end, only you know who you are and what you can do. And if you consider trying to do something new, then you’ve reached another personal growth level because you’re overcoming your personal history PLUS the outside judgment. You’re putting yourself at a risk, and that is brave
As I’m writing this I think of the so many different contexts in which we all find ourselves and that can influence us to the highest point.
These contexts play a role in our inner balancing, therefore impacting our self-confidence. And this can go both ways: we either have too much self confidence and we “brake” when trying that new thing, or we don’t have enough and we never start. I for one, am on the “lack of self-confidence” side.
A context, as I see it, is a whole “scene”: the point where we find ourselves in life, the age, the people that we have around us at that specific point, the power that the past has on us and which can be more or less strong, depending on the present, the resources that we have (inside and outside ones) etc. Depending on what we want to do, what the “new thing” is, when we think about how to do it, we start with what we have around us and in us, therefore this context. There are a lot of elements that can impact the decision, and clearly identifying them is not at all an easy job, it’s all about seeing things as they are and not as they could be or as they must be. I envy those who have this clarity and know exactly when to doubt and not doubt: themselves and the outside elements. When to choose something and when to not choose it, when to accept and when to reject.
Now, of course, the “new thing” can be really small (like learning to knit for example) or pretty big, like changing a job or the bases of our lifestyle. If small, the only witnesses are ourselves but if big, they are also outside ones. My thoughts when reading this quote, were more related to the big “new things”, so the changes that can be seen by other people and can have a strong impact on our life. That being said, the small things are also extremely important, and now, as I’m writing this, I’m thinking that they may even be recommended, before going to big changes, in order to “train” our inner self and make it easier to adapt. If we fail, we’re the only ones who know it, no outside judgement, so we can stop and take a look at how we did it and find out ways to ameliorate ourselves.
That brings me to the idea: who has the biggest influence on us, our inner self or other people? There is a balance to be found there too, because the outside world, other people, have their role in our inner world. Of course, what comes to mind immediately, is: no one should influence you, you are your own person, you are strong, confident etc……as far as I see it these are slogans that cannot be taken as clothes that we put to give us the image that we want. Because that’s exactly what it will be: an image. What we really are inside of us, is something we must all know, we must ask that ourselves and accept it before thinking of embarking on another journey.
I deviated, of course.
Getting back to the “big thing” that we want to do: for me, succeeding depends on the balance between the inside and the outside world, if there is one or not. And having that balance is no easy thing. But I guess that in this balance what should weigh more, is the inner self, the one that we created in time, the one that is based on all of our different versions as a person until the present moment.
As a counterpart to all this, there is another side: overthinking before doing something new.
We’re not supposed to do it, this is what is “preached” all over the place, and I get where it comes from. The proof: I just wrote so much about something that for a lot of people is just a blimp on their thoughts’ radar. I am overthinking it because I am part of those to which doing something new is proof of bravery, and considering my mental scars and traumas, I don’t take it easily. I applaud those who go ahead without giving it a second thought, they’re confident and have no fear, and that is the ideal place to be. But what if you’re not in that place? Does that make you less of person than the others?
This quote and my thoughts on it, are put on paper because I’m not like those who go ahead fearless I have fear in every bone of my body, I go to sleep with fear, and I wake up with fear, it’s become my partner, for better and especially, for worse.
So when I do something new, no matter how big it is, it’s “in spite of” and not “thanks to”. Because i’m overcoming that which is invisible to the others: my inner demons.