« She had a mind like a box of fireworks and hands that played recklessly with matches »
By: unknown author
The thoughts, their capacity of placing us in so many different places and feeling so many different things, in waves.
The thoughts, their world of their own, the way that they inhabit us and the way we let them take place, nourish them or put them away, enhance them or let them die, indulge them and then trying to control them. The mind is a wonderful yet scary place if you get to know it, and you should if it’s not just for the sake of knowing what you can or cannot do.
But for that you must be able to be disappointed, deceived, scared. The bad before the good finally, because, I guess we think first of what could damage us before thinking of what could heal us, what could heal the already existing wounds
Are our thoughts damaging or healing?
I read this quote a long time ago, when I was barely grasping the essence of who I was. I was not sure that what I saw had anything to do with me, the me I knew at the time, but it triggered me because I realized that I had taken decisions based on thoughts I didn’t really understand, or to be more precise, whose roots I didn’t identify, I just took them as they were and acted upon them
And, since I am a “fire” person, that much I knew at the time, and I am convinced of now, those thoughts, when looked into, generated sparks and then….well, a flame. Which led to a fire manifesting itself by me acting in a disorderly manner, spontaneous but not careful and mindful towards others. The fire burst and I just didn’t realize that it would hurt both me and the others around me.
Expressing oneself.
That is one thing that is a whole subject in itself. And it brings me to another quote that I will probably post at one point, which is basically about the manner in which we express ourselves and how taking great care of the word we use, can be one of the most valuable proofs of respect and admiration towards others.
On the other hand, if we think of the probability of expressing oneself when deeply hurt and disturbed, it can be a mentally challenging exercise. Violence is out of the question, so words are the only weapons we have. And they can be powerful ones and hurtful ones, if used properly.
I’m not saying they should only serve to that purpose, but if one is attacked, they are the most exquisite form of weapon. When I think of this kind of situation, I think of words as flames coming out of a dragon’s mouth. Again flame, so fire. I love dragons, these mythical legendary characters, wild and free, capable to rise and flow, in spite of their dimensions, the undeniable force they bring out.
I guess my first, and finally, the main idea that got stuck in my head after reading this quote, the one that I still have today, after years of introspection, is still the same, because in the end, this is who I am, I have a mind full of fireworks….the only difference between then and now, is that I realize it and I try my best to control them, but fire I am and fire I’ll be for the rest of my life, that is not something to be denied. Fire has to be lit and words have to come out… of course, I only think of the bad, but I also know there is the good. And now I’m trying to imagine what that was, because I’m utterly incapable of grasping the impact of my presence on people.
This fire, I suppose, was good when I had to stand up for myself and for others, when they couldn’t. I only have that in my head right now, because it’s the only way I would think that metaphorical fire could help….and now that I’m writing this I realize that it’s not true….fire also brings warmth….
So finally, If I analyze it even further, by associating fire to my character, I realize that through my empathy, which is out of this world overwhelming, I can create warm and safe environments for people who trigger it. The fire is then managed in the best way possible, and that without even knowing it, I just get out of my body and my mind, and I’m not me anymore, I just identify with that person and I’m living their life, even for 5 minutes, the time I have with them, if it’s only that, or more, so I can bring that comfort and warmth…my fire is perfectly mastered
So, If I were to conclude, I know that I can be reckless with the matches, which are outside triggers.
That, of course, is a lot less true today than it was years ago, but is still true.
And in a strange way, which will probably not be understood, I like having those fireworks in me….